I know sometimes it is hard to understand why parents that suffer the loss of a child just cannot seem to get over it. I never thought I would be that parent that would suffer such a loss. I can honestly say though it doesn't ever go away. As a mother it is so hard when someone asks you how many children you have because if I say 2 then I feel like I am being disrespectful to Emma because she does matter to me and she is my child. On the other hand if I say 3 then I have to go through the story that we lost a child at 5 1/2 months. I hate this question more than anything.
Also, on special occasions you never want to forget the child you have lost and it drives you nuts to try and think of ways to honor her memory and not let her go unnoticed even though others have so soon forgotten. I know that some people don't understand because they never held her or saw her and it wasn't as great of a loss but for me (and Scott) it is something you think about everyday because she is a part of us and our family.
Chrissy Warren, a good friend of ours, also lost a child and I will never forget her words to me about how to move on. She said "you will never get over losing a child, it is like an amputation and you simply have to learn to live without it." So, Chrissy I know you know what it feels like and they are not fun shoes to walk in but my what a stronger person I have become and I know you as well. Love ya.
Amber sent me this poem yesterday and I thought it was so touching and so true for someone who is walking in my shoes. I pray that none of you ever have to.
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them,
and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad
that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they
are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are
might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on,
you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not
the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in
them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that
days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
*Author Unknown*
